According to Zekey

Apparently a 4 year old and a 5 year old can make a 9 year old, but a 3 year old and a 5 year old just makes an 8 year old. :)

Wondering and sadness

Yesterday was Brea's 2nd birthday and it was a neat time just celebrating her.  This past few days has been hard, though.  I've been in a really bad habit of going to bed super late and getting up super late and throwing off our routine and just being out of sorts.  I've been really sad a lot, too, mostly at night.  I think that is why I've been going to sleep so late, sort of trying to keep myself occupied enough to not have to get overtaken by grief. It definitely caught up with me today, though.  I've been crying off and on all day and just so, so sad.  I was trying my best to get to bed at a decent hour so that I wouldn't be so grumpy  tomorrow, but I can't stop thinking about my little boy.  I keep thinking what does he look like?  Does he have red hair like Brea and Braden or does he have dark brown hair like Zekes and Ailey?  Or is he an anomaly with blond hair?  Does he have freckles?  Is he fair-skinned or darker?  What does his voice sound like?  Is he funny or serious?  I wonder if he is full grown in heaven or is he a child?  I ache to hold him and spend time with him and just be in his company.  It makes me so sad that he isn't here to laugh and play around with his brothers and sisters, get irritated that they have a toy he wants to play with and just do life with us all.  I miss him so much.  So much.  I miss all the things I won't get to do with him.  He won't have birthday parties or turn 2.  He won't have first words or learn to crawl and then walk.  He won't learn his abc's and then learn to read and write.  He won't draw me pictures to hang on the fridge.  I grieve for the loss of all of that.

I had a friend share that as for the losses that she has experienced, it has actually gotten harder as time has passed because there are experiences you want to share with that person and you just can't and its heart wrenching.  My new reality is that my kids' birthdays will be both happy and sad occasions for me because Moses won't ever be that age and his smiling face won't be in the pictures with his brothers and sisters.  Its a painful and challenging perspective to have.

Crazy Hair Day

The pics are pretty self explanatory. ;)

Happy Birthday, Brea!

Our little ooo-baby turned 2!  Seriously, time is just ticking right along!

Brea's birthday was a fun affair.  We mostly just chilled and kept saying happy birthday to her.  It wasn't as big of a to-do as Ailey's mostly because, well, she's 2.  She likes baby dolls and pretty much anything her siblings are playing with that she can't have at the moment. ;)  The next 2 years will involve her interests more and she'll be involved in the planning.  I'm really looking forward to that!  I still decorated just for her and she got cupcakes.  I've seen that she's more into cookies than cake, so we may be going with a cookie cake next year. ;)

The paper lantern balls in the pics are from Michael's and I got a great price for them!  I love it when I can use one of their 40% off 1 item coupled with 25% of entire purchase coupons!  Woohoo!  Hopefully, they will last for many years to come...especially if I can keep the girls from playing with them like they are actual bouncy balls!  Oy.

Okay, brea got a chocolate chip pancake breakfast.  She was funny because she didn't really know what was going on, though she did a good job waiting to blow out her candles on the pancakes and cupcakes later on while we sang happy birthday to her.

Ailey had help blowing out her candles on her cake, so she decided that Brea needed her help blowing out her candles on the cupcakes.  I think Brea will like blowing out her own candles next year. ;)

When it came time to open her presents, I started her out, but she soon got the hang of it herself and was excited about her hello kitty doll and her vtech phone.  She is a phone fanatic!  She wouldn't stop swiping mine and Sam's phones, so we figured she needed her own. :)  The funny thing was that the other kiddos wanted to play with her phone so much!  We have a standing rule that presents don't have to be shared on the day they are received so that the person gets to actually play with their gifts.  The gifts usually end up getting shared all around after about 30 minutes, anyway.

All in all, we had a good day celebrating Brea. :)

Precious Brea-oo,

You are such a delight!  We are excited to see what God has built into you as you grow and blossom.  We are so proud of our beautiful, lovely, wonderful baby girl!  We love you sooooo much!  Happy Birthday!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

According to Braden

Apparently, as far as boys are concerned, the term "playdate" is applicable only to girls.  According to Braden boys would prefer to use "hanging out" instead. :)  He's totally at that age....