It would have been about this time...

My due date, Moses' birthday would have been right about this time...I'm really missing him right now.  He's not here with us to be a part of our daily routine or special fun things we go do as a family.  My heart is just so full of feeling every bit of his absence.  I have several friends who are having babies in this time frame.  Of course I don't begrudge them their happiness at welcoming their new little ones into their families, but it makes me very sad that I am not able to share in that type of joy now.  I hope that one day, seeing a mother and her newborn won't cause my heart to grieve quite so heavily and I'll be able to freely rejoice with those bringing new life into this world.  It also hasn't helped that I've been so busy lately that I haven't had a lot of time to myself and haven't really been able to grieve very much.  Mostly late at night when I'm already exhausted.  At least its something...every little bit counts and helps.  Even though it has been 5 months, its still as raw and present as ever.  Again, I don't think it will ever lessen, so much as I will learn how to do life including it better.  Well, at least at times.

Lately, I've been asked quite a lot by random people how many children I have.  I have been at a loss as to how I should respond.  On the one hand, I don't ever want it to seem like Moses didn't exist or that he doesn't count in an incredibly huge way in our family and specifically my heart, but on the other....well, I don't always feel like explaining myself or getting into details that still hurt so very much.  Sam came up with a good way of saying it, I think.  We have one child at home and four here with us. :)  I may get more than I bargain for in response to that, but I'm going to see how it fits.  It may be more than I can really deal with at this point, but then again it may be exactly what I need to say.

So, Happy might have been Birthday to my sweet little Moses.  I love you and miss you.

More from Zekey...

Ailey and Zekey were sitting at the dining table having a discussion while Ailey was coloring a picture.  She was coloring something and saying how she was going to be as tall as her cousin Boaz.  Zekey, then corrected her perspective by letting her in on some of his wisdom.  He told her, "No, Ailey, you have to play basketball and then everyone will think you are bigger even though you really aren't."  He has pondered for some time now that playing basketball must be the key to making one tall since most of the players are very tall.  Makes sense to me!  That totally must be what happens. ;)

A Very Thoughtful and Sweet Gift

My Aunt Kathy sent us a beautiful gift in the mail the other day.  She said she kept coming back to it and knew it was meant for us. :)  I really love it and am glad she sent it.  Thank you, Aunt Kathy!!


http://www.sympathysolutions.com/catalog/item/just-the-same.html

Its a glass plaque and it looks just like the pic above and says:

Just the Same

I never got to hold you & bounce you on

my lap, I never got to read to you

or watch you as you nap.  You slipped

away so quickly, before I said your name.

And yet I want the world to

know I loved you just the same.

Anne Peterson

Happy Birthday, Zekers!!!

Zekes turns 6!!!!  It is so exciting to be a part of Zekey's journey through life.  He's such a laid back, easy-going, tender-hearted, sweet, caring fellow.  This year he wanted a transformers birthday and after looking at several examples of cakes, he saw one he liked and I told him what I could actually do. ;)  Since his birthday fell on a Saturday this year, Sam was there the whole day and he made Zekey's birthday breakfast.  Sausage patties hold up candles pretty well. :)

I have decided I like the homemade marshmallow fondant much better than the store bought stuff.  I like using it for embellishments much better than trying to cover anything large, though. :)

 Zekey really loves when he is the center of attention.  LOVES.

These are not the best pics, but I was laughing just a tad at his success in keeping his sister from blowing out his candles.  She actually blew them out the first go round, so we relit them and gave it another go.  Hahahaha!

A Visit, Strep and Some Surprises

My mom came in for a quick visit over the weekend.  Braden had remarked about having a headache and then later a sore throat.  I was thinking it might just be drainage because we were all dealing with that a bit.  Mom came in on Friday evening and by then Braden was talking funny because his throat hurt and he was asking for more vitamin C and salt to make it feel better.  He didn't have a fever, but I had a feeling it was strep.  This is the fourth time he has had it in the last year and a half.  He still occasionally sucks his thumb and I think this time it set in for him that it is how he keeps getting it. :/  So, I ended up taking him to the urgent care clinic (hooray for those!) Saturday morning and I had let him know that if it was strep, that we would be going with the shot and not the 10 days of  liquid antibiotic. Well, it was strep.  The shot was a thing of drama and there was excessive limping afterward, but he really did do a good job.  That particular one does hurt.  Poor kiddo, he got the same susceptibility to getting strep repeatedly as I did when I was younger.  I got it every year without fail and usually more often.  If someone had it within a 10-mile radius, I would get it. :/  Hopefully, the thumb sucking will not be so appealing now and he won't get it at all anymore!  This is the second time it has coincided with a visit from my mom...at least it didn't take long to take care of it and she's not susceptible to it!

While Mom was here we had a great visit.  We just hung out and chatted and enjoyed each other's company.  Most of the time, she offers to keep the kids so that Sam and I can go on a date, but I didn't even consider that she would this time because the visit was so short.  BUT, she did offer and we got to go see the new Star Trek movie in the theater on Saturday....  The last movie we saw in the theater was Captain America.  Yeah, it had been a while.  :)  Anyway, we really enjoyed ourselves!  We went through the drive thru and picked up some starbucks first and then went.  Another little aside:  Sam gently kicked me out of the house the on Friday morning so I could just get out for a while and get some stuff done and I got some starbucks then, too and then Sunday, a couple of friends and I had a little impromptu girls evening out and we ended up at starbucks again.  Haha!  That's the most "coffee" aka frappachino yumminess I've had ever!  By the way, the mochachino cookie crumble or crunch or whatever its called is seriously addictive.  Just remember I warned you!

Anyway, all in all, best Memorial Day weekend EVER!

Braden is 9!

Happy birthday to our smart, kind, clever, inventive, fun, funny, silly, brave, energetic, thoughtful, wonderful boy-o!  We are pretty sure that life somehow got fast-forwarded while we weren't looking and you just jumped to being 9. :)  We love you so much and are so blessed that God gave you to us so we can walk beside you in this life.  What anadventure we have had so far and what an adventure is still to come!  We release showers of blessing and wisdom and love over you in abundance!  Oh, happy day!

Braden wanted a NASA birthday.  Again, no invite-everyone-and-go-way-over-the-top party for this year.  That's next year's craziness. ;)  I did decorate and do it up boy-style.  We don't want anything too girly in this house for boy birthdays.  Just ask the boys if you don't believe me. :)  Braden helped me hang some stuff and he was very specific in the planning part of it all.  I really like it when the kids are that involved with their party planning.  I'm looking forward to when they get even more involved.  Let's just say that there should be no excuse for any of them not being able to pull off surprise parties and all the fullness thereof when they are older! ;)

Don't you love it when you can use a 40% AND 50% off coupon at michael's at the same time?!  Me, too!  I got a few things there including these cake wires:

In my perusal of the cake decorating aisle, I came across and find that I am in want of this baby in the not-so-far-off future:


I also got a few things at Hobby Lobby (totally busted out the 40% off coupon there, too. :)  I'm loving the paper lanterns and pinwheel thingymabobs lately.  I printed off the space shuttles and the garland and viola! just enough deco for a 9-year-old boy. :)

 First, we had his birthday breakfast.  He chose to have pancakes with only peanut butter chips in his.

 We all really liked how the cake turned out looking....the actual cake part, though, was NOT impressive.  This was actually the second failed attempt.  I was trying to make the raspberry lemon cake from Taste of Home, but it doesn't do well in anything other than several shallow round or square pans.  Eh, it would work in sheet cake form, too.  I tried to cook it in my pampered chef batter bowl first so that I could have the dome shape, but it never got done in the middle and the outside got burned.  So, when I was at Michael's, even though I had decided not to get a special pan, I went ahead and got the ball pan and tried it again in that.  It still didn't get done in the middle!  Ugh!  More like a gelatin than cake which makes for a very unpleasant experience.  Bummer.  The planets were pretty good though.  I just made them from rice crispy treats and marshmallow fondant and then used gel food coloring mixed with almond extract to paint them.  A special thanks to Kristen H. for helping me cover the planets in the fondant!  It would have taken me fo'evah otherwise.  I picked up some better Duff paint brushes while I was at it. (I'm starting to see a trend here... ;)  Next time, I'll just turn a plain yellow cake into lemon yumminess or maybe a lemon pound cake...mmmmmm.  Braden is a lemon fanatic, too. :)

The silliness is strong with this one!

Everyone was excited about getting their own planet to eat. :)

Braden said the best part was when I took him by himself to the store and said that he could choose what he wanted up to $10.  (He also got an Academy gift card later.)  Let me tell you, this kid bargain shopped!  He found that green dart gun in the pics on the clearance shelf for $4.48, got a few extra bullets for it on the clearance shelf for $1.98 and then went and got three hot wheels cars for $.97 a piece.  He was excited about his haul AND about not spending the whole $10!  These are exciting times, folks!  It will be a beautiful day when I get him all in to couponing. ;)  (He does already have a grasp on the Hobby Lobby coupon...it has begun:)

Poor LerLoo!

Ailey's growth spurts are somewhat painful for her at times.  She actually has growing pains in her legs.  They are the kind that wake her out of a dead sleep and require motrin to calm the pain down enough to get her back to sleep. :/  She has had them pretty consistently.  When she first had them at around a year and a bit, I honestly didn't know what was going on.  She would just lay there and hold her legs and cry.

Last night was another growing pain episode and at a little before 3 am in a very groggy state I managed to get up, bust out the ever trusty boo-boo pack and motrin and get us back to sleep, Ailey preferring the hallway and me preferring my bed. :)

Whaaaa?!

Can someone please tell me what is up with this pose?  Seriously, don't understand why its so popular...just sayin'.  I think its the combo of the hand in the hair and looking down and to one side....who does that?!

Tiny rant-tantrum end. :)

Another Bradenism to tempt the corners of the mouth...

So, Braden was sitting in the computer chair and the rest of the kids were orbiting him like smaller satellites.  They were tickling and giggling and being their normal silly selves when all of a sudden Sam and I hear Braden telling his audience, "Don't touch there!  Its my no-no rectangle!" Well, after that how are you supposed to maintain composure?!  Sam and I could.not.stop.laughing...could not stop!  I'm just glad that I wasn't drinking anything because either I would have choked or everyone in the splash zone would have gotten a shower. :)  Of course, the kids got a hold of it and decided to milk it for all its worth and tried to come up with as many names as possible: private square (staying with the shapes theme), private spot, no-no spot, no-no rectangle and no-no square were ones I caught before I could stand the silliness no longer.  Yet another peek into the inner thought process that is Braden's mind. :)

Daddy and Ler Love